I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dear god my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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