Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
