Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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