i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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