it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
