dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
