At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
