I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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