The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
