I wish my penis had an off switch
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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