grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i think my cat just said my name.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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