My underwear smells like fireworks.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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