barbara walters just said penis...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
