I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
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I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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