youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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