ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i think i just lost a toe
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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