Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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