You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
