please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
