Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
