If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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