dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
