dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
