grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
