Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
