I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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