Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
