Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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