Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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