I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Boobs speak an international language.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
