i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
