Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
