Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
