I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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