it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
