I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
