He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
