Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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