I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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