You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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