That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
