A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
