my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize