I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
