..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
