youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
