I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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