My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
