he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
