I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
