Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
