Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So much rum. So many feels.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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