i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
