oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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