Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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