I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
