So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
