i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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