I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
