YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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