Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Panties = found
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
