By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
