shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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