the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize