Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
