saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
