Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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