I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You made out with two different species that night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
