broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize