you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
