I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
