So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
