Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
