I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
