My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
