So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize